Stella Igweamaka, a resident of Edmonton, was experiencing a moment of gratitude and pride after being chosen for a leadership program at her workplace when an unexpected call came in. Typically, calls through WhatsApp were associated with family in Nigeria, carrying familiar warmth. However, this time, there was a different feeling even before answering the call.
With no prior warning or time to brace herself, Stella learned of her father’s passing from a voice miles away. Struggling to absorb the news, she realized she would not be able to travel back to Nigeria, be with her family, or participate in the customary grieving rituals. Instead, she was left to mourn from Edmonton, a significant distance away from her homeland.
As an immigrant, coping with such emotional distances becomes a part of life. Reflecting on her move to Edmonton in 2020, Stella had been primarily focused on surviving, finding employment, and integrating into the new environment. However, the realization of what distance could silently take away from her, especially in missing out on important family milestones, dawned on her gradually.
The heaviness of missing out on celebrations, especially during the December holiday season, was particularly poignant. While others spoke of going back home, Stella’s reality was far more complex. Financial constraints, the challenge of taking time off work, and the emotional tug between her new life in Canada and the ties she had left behind in Nigeria made the decision to return seem impossible.
Over the years, as time slipped by, the distance between Stella and her loved ones stretched further. The sudden loss of someone she had expected to see again in 2024 triggered a flood of memories. Moments with her father, filled with unspoken connections, laughter, and unwavering support, flashed vividly in her mind.
The grief of losing her father led Stella to question her choices – leaving Nigeria, building a life in Edmonton, and the hidden costs that came with her pursuit of a better future. She found herself grappling with these profound questions in moments of sorrow, celebration, and the quiet spaces in between.
Navigating this grief proved to be a practical challenge, as she counted vacation days, assessed flight costs, and balanced responsibilities against personal desires. Grief, Stella realized, does not wait for convenient circumstances; it arrives unannounced, demanding acknowledgment and expression regardless of the practical obstacles in its way.
Most of Stella’s mourning for her father and other departed loved ones happened virtually, through screens and long-distance calls. The absence of familiar rituals and the inability to physically partake in mourning traditions added to her sense of loss and isolation.
Seeking solace in grief therapy, Stella found comfort in the therapist’s words about the unique ache of yearning to be somewhere unreachable. These conversations offered her a new perspective on her mourning process, which she had not been exposed to growing up.
Learning to grieve in fragments, through solitary rituals, familiar foods, prayers, and distant calls to family, Stella grappled with the isolation of mourning from afar. The intricate layers of sadness, guilt, gratitude, and negotiation between survival and sorrow added a complexity she had not anticipated when she set out from home in pursuit of a better life.
Yet, amidst the loneliness and longing, life persisted. Stella continued with her daily routines, balancing work responsibilities with the weight of grief. She realized that distance did not diminish love or loss and that grieving from afar was not a sign of failure to belong but rather a testament to the enduring, silent journey of love across boundaries and time.
In the end, Stella found solace in the realization that surviving the season of grief, albeit from a distance, was an achievement in itself.